2003-04-11 - 1:01 a.m.
Came home and the radio was playing the doors. As a rule I hate the doors. But I love Bruce McCulloch and Bruce McCulloch is a Doors fan. And somehow that just seems right to me. "Somewhere out there there's an old lady, suckin' humbugs, she's a rider on the storm, and she don't even know it."
I am to meet Twink's boyfriend tomorrow. Things are serious between them and only getting more serious. I have resisted this meeting tenaciously for quite some time, but lately we've been drinking a lot together, and well, I agreed so that no one would have to cry. I'm really really nervous. What if I shake hands too hard, or not hard enough? What if I hate his guts? Of course I hate his guts and he allready knows it, and he thinks I'm a stalker on top of that. Thats a lot of fucking pressure for an oversensitive backwoods alcoholic poet. Yeah I just called myself a poet. It sounds better than "obsessive antisocial video gamer". I would feel a whole lot better about this thing if I had someone cute on my side who I get to take home and fuck silly afterwards. I'm outnumbered and outgunned. I never thought our friendship would be called into question, and now I'm scared I'll fuck up and lose the most important person in my life over some stupid pheremone bullshit.
I guess it doesn't matter, I can whine all I want, but this moment was inevitable all along, all I can do is turn the charm up to eleven and hope things will still be okay. Maybe It's time I grow up a little. Nothing just falls in your lap in this world, you have to go out there, wrangle it down, and shove your dick in it for all it's worth. Or so I'm led to believe.
Drank the rest of the vodka tonight and it worked this time. Maybe with vodka the first night is just to kindof set you up, to get you primed for the real deal. Alcohol is really weird. That's all for now. Peace.
Favourite song of the day: "Got to do it" -Andrew W.K.
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