2003-05-16 - 10:30 p.m.
So I realized I've been in kind of a funk for a while now. This is no fun for anyone I'm thinking. What I need is a plan, and the energy to enact the plan. Of course I now need a second plan in order to get the energy. Or maybe that should be the first plan. Or perhaps I could just talk myself in circles till I fall asleep and figure this out tomorrow.
So I was reading the Oprah magazine. (I was at Twinks house and kinda bored.) Anyway there was some fairly sensible advice in there between the smelly ads and gazpacho recipes. One particularly well written column said something like "Usually when people feel that emptiness in themselves it's not really a longing for another person to fill the gap, it's a longing for the self." Now I'm paraphrasing and not saying it as well, and I'm sure it's been said before, in fact I know I've heard xmasface tell me this before, but it stuck out for some reason. It went on to point out that If you make yourself a whole and interesting person, the whole "mate-search" thing will resolve itself. This seems like common sense to me, but it's good to keep in mind because even if it is common sense, I don't find myself actually thinking this way often. I'd usually rather just mope around and whine about how nobody likes me. I think it's important to pledge to yourself to turn over a new leaf every once in a while. Even if you never get enough drive to trun the damn leaf over, bit by bit, with each new effort, you're going somewhere.
So thats it, as of today, I'm turning over a new leaf.
You've lost all respect for me now haven't you? Oh well. On the menu tonight: "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" (Twink's reccomendation) Oh.. and crunches. I'll start with thirty. Come on leaf turn damn you!
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