2003-08-04 - 10:35 p.m.
I love being bartender. I worked 12-10 today. Me and Nosering Girl made mad cash. At eight,things kindof died off. There wasnt much to do except watch some old folks drink coffee, so I decided to do what any reasonable person would alone next to four kegs of beer: drink. I dipped down below the bar as though I had something important to do and sucked down beers. I don't think anyone noticed. They were too busy telling each other stories about how clever and intelligent they are. Thty think I'm not listening but I am. Nosering girl is the same way, she watches people. I've caught her watching me a few times. It's interesting how us voyeuristic types bond. I walked out of work a bit saucy, watched my shadow on the american flag at the agway, watched the eyes on the dolls on the creepy dollhouse, watched the lights in the windows of the funeral home where I park. I felt my keys in my pocket in the parking lot. I carry three keys. One opens the car. One drives the car. One opens the house. Life is too simple. On starting the car I enter video game mode. Two rules: stay betweeen the lines and stay within 5 mph of the limit. Be aware of the lines and the limit at all times and you cannot lose. I never have. I only lose when I'm sober and full of piss and want to conquer the world. And want to give them a brand new religion. I'm not saying this is morally right. But morals have a way of contracting. It makes me scared to be alive, makes me scared to be in a world where people more powerful than me want things more badly than I do, and do harder drugs than I do. Makes me want to run to the place no one has touched and never come back. Or at the very least, the place so few have touched I can pretend I'm the only one.
Maube that's why I like german computer games.
Song of the day: "Transylvanian Concubine" -Rasputina (You know what flows there like wine)
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