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2003-08-07 - 8:00 p.m.

Feeling a bit sluglike and depressed. Probably all the drinking I've been doing this week. I've been working out though too, maybe I'll put some more effort into that. Self control has never been a strong point for me. I want to make an ice cream sundae with cherries and vanilla shcnaps. I want to buy myself expensive stuff I dont need.

I'm remembering my dreams again. Last night there was something about sitting on someones steak dinner, then throwing it in the garbage and running to my house, where some workmen were working on ropes hanging from these jagged wooden structures. I pulled the wrong rope and a bunch of them fell down, for some reason, sauceman and my brother were both on the work crew. Then I was on a bus and this incredibly fat kid kept complaining until the driver stopped the bus, then the kid got out and jumped in the lake. When he came back on he was projectile vomiting everywhere and he started chasing me. The bus had different cars like a train, maybe it had even become a train, and he chased me through all these different cars, vomiting all the way, until I got to the last car which was full of metal pipes and steam, and there was no escape. I think I woke up screaming. I have a kind of disturbing habit of screaming in my sleep. I like to imagine one day there will be someone warm and concerned there to shake me a little and tell me everything is gonna be okay. That's all it would take, I think.

Favourite song today: "Swanheart" -Nightwish

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