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2003-11-11 - 10:07 a.m.

Now when I say drug I dont necessarily advocate substance abuse, as Ive recently learned I cant handle booze or even caffeine. Just find something and get it done. For me the only real and perfect drug is writing stories. I have a pretty logical theory about energy and the way it flows. I think it's important to understand which thing in my life give me energy, and which things take it away. These can be activities or people, or even places. Some things drain you, some things charge you and there has to be some kind of balance struck there. The hard decisions come when you find out its something or someone you love thats taking, and you have to cut your losses and move on. I like getting drunk, or I thought I did, but sometimes it feels like I'm pissing out my soul. I'm convinced there's some kind of invisible economy that is tangible and important. Sometimes it's nothing more than that the place you're in is grazed out, theres nothing left to feed you there, and the things that drain you start to feel bigger and bigger because you just dont have as much to give. And the tricky part is, cutting out your vices and dumping your crazy girlfriend isn't necessarily the solution, though it might do you good if either is taking so much from you that you can't fulfull the demand. Just like any relationship, there has to be a balance of give and take, and a level of energy flow that doesn't stifle you, and doesn't overwhelm you either. A delicate balance. I should sit down and make an actual list of things that charge me, things that drain me, and how much, and figure out a plan to make it all work at least conceptually. I'm not a person who sits down and writes out lists, but it could help. Something I need to think about a bit, and I have time to do it right now.

The self improvement wagon my have left town, but that doesn't mean I can't too.

Song of the day: "Broken and Blue" -Fembots

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