2003-12-19 - 11:15 a.m.

I went to get a new tire and have them rotated in belfast yesterday. The place was this big garage full of tires, with some miscelaneous car parts and whatnot. The front desk had a box full of copies of the new testament, with a sign saying "If you will read it take one." The old guy behind the counter looked at my car and found a tire that was as close to what I need as possible, then I waited my turn to have the work done. "Did you get your calendar yet? You get a free calendar!"

I looked through the selection of calendars. american pride, flower gardens, cowboys, exotic cars, and messages of faith. I don't even use a calendar. I took the cowboy one, so as not to look like a snob. My turn comes up to have my tires done. "You can pull in to bay three", says the old man. I do, and I get out and watch as two guys take all the tires off and switch them around. Apparently this is good for the car, I wouldn't know, I just do what my mechanic tells me and pay the bill. The work gets all done in a matter of minutes, and the car is let down off the jacks. The younger of the two grease monkeys puts the old tire in the trunk, and the other one gives me my slip, so I'm ready to drive off feeling confident in my wheels, except for one snag, the trunk won't close. The guy tries banging it shut, pulling the trunk lever,sticking a screwdriver in it, all the while the older, redheaded guy is making fun of him. "Donny broke ya trunk, don't worry, we got tape", he says. I'm not sure wheather to laugh. I go out and stand by the car, watching the young gearhead's futile attempts to close the trunk. "This ever happened before?", one of them asks me.

"Nope." I don't dare mention that in a year of owning the vehicle, I've never actually opened the trunk before.

After a few more minutes, the redheaded guy says to the younger guy, "You done screwin around with that or you want me ta fix it?"

"Yeah I want you to fix it" says the youger guy, exasperated.

"Nope", says the redhead.

"Fine!" yells the young guy, flinging the screwdriver in the redhead's general direction. Then the fireworks start.

"What the Fuck! What the fuck did you throw at me you fuckin piece of shit!"

"Fuck you!"

They come out swinging, the redhead is obviously more of a brute and pins the younger guy up between a stack of tires and the garage door, throttling him. "I'll break your fuckin neck! You throw shit at me! I'll break your fuckin neck!" One of the guys inside reaches out a window to puch them apart, and another one rushes in from the side. They pull the two off from each other and then the old man from behind the desk comes out.

"Whats going on here?"

"Donny's pissed cause he broke that trunk, so he fuckin threw somethin at me. I told him I'll break his fuckin neck."

The younger guy storms off inside, the redhead goes goes around to the other side of a truck. All the other employees are muttering amongst each other. I'm standing by my trunk, which is still open. A minute or two passes, I just stand there. Eventually a third mechanic comes out of the garage with a socket wrench, angrily twists a couple of bolts on the trunk latch apparatus and slams the trunk shut before stomping back to the garage.

"Thanks", I cheerily spit after him. I think of several wise-ass things I could say, but restrain myself to "thanks", which I won't regret later. And I drive away to buy some miniature orcs.

It was a vey Maine moment, one I'll treasure for years to come.

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