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2003-11-30 - 1:44 p.m.

Life's better than I make it out to be.

Ever have a fantasy about somehow destroying every human except yourself? I have that all the time. Now don't worry, I'm not going to go knifing people in their sleep, theres no way it would work, theres too many people, I'd get caught way before I killed them all, and many more would be spawned in the time it took to off only a few. Plus it would be wrong. But if I could somehow magically kill everyone except myself, it would no longer be wrong, because as the entirety of the population, I would be the moral majority. What I think would no longer be just what I think, it would be the way things are. And if I got lonely, and decided to take up, say, sheep-fucking or something, who would be there to look at me funny? Stigma shmigma.

And the alien archaeologists would come one day and piece together the tragic fall of humanity.

"Well it seems this one here genocided the rest of his race and spent his remaining days carrying out amorous interspecies fantasies. I found him with his pants around his ankles in a room full of sheep dreeed in cheerleader costumes."

"Hmm, another sheep fucker. They've been the bane of many an intelligent species. Remember Rigel 7? Ye gods, that was ugly."

(sigh) "Yep, nasty business. I can't understand how it keeps happening. Well I guess we've learned all we can here, lets vaporize this junk heap and head back home."

"Say Oolug..."

"Yeah?"

"Before we destroy this planet..."

"You want to beam up a couple sheep, don't you?"

"Hey, I'm just curious, mission control never needs to find out. This will be just between, you, me and the sheep."

"... Allright Groxtu, you've piqued my interest. But I think I need to at least be drunk first."

"Now you're talkin! I think I still have some cold ones in the space freezer from that crazy party back in the horsehead nebula."

"Allright, you get me a beer, I'll charge up the transporter."

"Yeah! Cheers to gettin' laid good buddy!"

"Damn straight."

Or something like that.

Song of the day: "Smash the Magnavox" -Blue Meanies

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