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2004-01-23 - 12:30 a.m.

I feel like someone pulled the plug on that reservoir of positive energy I had going. Maybe that was me.. shit.

And not just the positve energy. All of it, spiralling down the drain.

I know what it is, it's something specific I havent done, that I need to do. And I'm ignoring it as some kind of self-punishment. I'm so great at punishing myself. When I was a kid I used to lock myself in closets when I knew my parents would be away for a while. Why? To teach myself a lesson. It's the same inverted logic I subconsciously use on myself all the time.

It's said that what you look for in an ideal mate is what you miss in yourself. What's the number one thing I would want in a woman? Respect. If I'm being as honest as I can be, I have to admit that's something I rarely get from myself.

Song of the day: The whole "Mit Gas" album, on constant repeat in my car for the last month or so.

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