2004-02-23 - 12:27 a.m.
There must be almost two feet of snow now. During the couple hours when it wasnt quite so bad I went out and got a six of magic hat and rented "The Royal Tennenbaums". I made myself some pasta and called a couple people who werent home.
Last night I dreamed I could make a triangle with my arms that looked into the world of the dead. I called through it for Ethan, and there was no answer, and I realized he was alive. Then I called for Maile, and she was there, she was dead, her face like smoke in a pool of crude oil. Kinda scared the crap out of me.
I'm worried about terrible human potential. I'm worried about friends I've lost, I'm worried about all the negative bits I put out into the world, what they may have grown into, and more importantly, where did they come from?
I'm worried about bigger crap too, like where my life is going, but all I can do right now is take things one small internal battle at a time.
Tonight I only want to dream about clowns, puppies, or bikini carwashes. So I'm going to go lie down and visualise those things.
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