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2004-04-15 - 9:35 p.m.

I've got this odd notion that I want to go white water rafting. Why not? I think it would be great fun. What the fuck else am I doing with my life lately? I've met this really awesome person through the internet dating thingy, so far everything clicks, but I'm scared, super scared that I don't have much to offer her in return for her awesomeness. I mean people are just people and all, but.. I haven't mentioned yet that I never finished school, or that I live in my moms basement. In fact, I don't think I've ever mentioned that second bit in this diary. It's not really a point of pride for me. I'd much rather you all imagined me sitting alone in a tiny cabin, thoughtfully smoking a pipe as I get all walden with my bad self. I think maybe I do want to try to be in a real relationship for once. And I think my life needs to be a bit more together than it is now for that to happen.

I can be so harsh with myself. I don't know. Something about "real life" just scares the living crap out of me. But I've got to be honest with myself about my situation if I want to change it.

blah blah blah my life this, change that, insecurity anxiety etc... I get sick of hearing myself sometimes. I'm gonna go look up info on whitewater rafting.

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