2004-09-13 - 9:05 p.m.
Every time I'm mean to somebody, even if it's completely fully justified, I feel like a jerk.
I guess that's because I am a jerk when I'm being mean. But in this instance, It was completely deserved. This person treated me like shit, and they were asking for it. And I still feel that guilt.
Now I'm not going to be able to be a jerk to anybody for at least a week. I think the only solution is to redirect the energy. Revenge just doesn't work for me. Somewhere somebody has to pick up the loose ends, somewhere the misery has to stop. I'm not claiming to be a saint or saviour, but I wish more people would do more than just take everything at face value and reflect it back into the world without any thought. So often there's no processing of emotion, no care taken as to what energy goes where. People store things up inside themselves, good and bad, until they turn rotten. Emotions are meant to be felt, to be spent, invested and cirulated. Trying to hold onto something that powerful is like trying to hold a bolt of lightning. Everyone thinks they're so goddamn tough, that nothing gets in or out. And so the world turns sour. Or it would if it weren't for the heroes, the artists, out there taking it, feeling it, using it, doing it.
My train of thought is romping through the flowery meadows somewhere, the tea has been spilled, the saucers cracked.
I'm gonna go watch movies.
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