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2004-09-24 - 12:29 a.m.

I just watched the passion of the christ with my mom. I know I express a lot of anger towards christianity here, but surprisingly enough, I found the movie moving and spiritually thought provoking. Certainly more than I expected. I'm not about to go jump in a lake and scream halleleujah or nothin' fun as that might be, but I was impressed.
Anyway. I missed the Reverend Horton Heat tonight because I had to work. That sucks. But I made a commitment to this particular job because I make a lot of money doing it. I've had to make a few regrettable social sacrifices, and I'm pretty stressed... I'm looking for a conclusion here, a justification beyond money.... I don't know, I just have to do it. Did I mention the money? It feels good to have a surplus, and it feels good to feel useful, necessary even. That's the kind of work I need to do. I don't want to do this specific work forever, or even much longer, but I want to be important.
God, it takes my the longest time to figure out the simplest stuff. Then I just forget it again. oh well.

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