2005-02-10 - 2:33 a.m.
Okay maybe I'll dust off the feather ruffler and talk about some gender stuff. Why this now? I guess I've read a few things recently that I found really bitter and ugly (not anywhere in diaryland), and I feel the need to respond, if not directly.
I do not consider myself a feminist, I don't need to fight anyone elses fight, and for that reason I find men who are overtly feminist to be ultimately pretty condescending and self-contradictory. I also don't consider myself anti-feminist, though I understand to a degree that there is a bitter backlash among a lot of men my age and younger. My theory is that a lot of these men were raised to be modern sensitive people and treat women as equals, and get frustrated when they feel they are still treated as oppressors. I've never had "emo" described to me to my satisfaction, maybe I'm too old to understand, but there is my guess as to what some of that is all about.
I feel like I've escaped a lot of this real bitterness. I've had my heart stepped on more than once, I've been used and abused, as I think most of us have, but I dont hold any lingering general malice for a whole gender over it. People are fucked up, everyone is fucked up, and intimate relationships of any kind take tons of work to prosper. I think a lot of people are just too impatient and have overinflated egos. To them I say, grow up, grow a skin, get over yourself. Guys, not every girl wants to sleep with you, its nothing to get upset about, girls, same deal. It doesn't mean we cant be friends. Friends are awesome. Inter-gender platonic friends are awesome too. Sexual tension be damned. If you think your same gender friendships have no sexual tension youre kidding yourself. Sex is everywhere and its not a big deal.
And to the "But I can't be friends with someone I want to sleep with" sentiment, I say pff. I accept that as a man I want to on some level sleep with every woman from margaret thatcher on down. It doesn't matter. We're animals, but we're also rational. You don't make friends with a person's genetalia. The act of sex, when you really think about it, is not so cosmically significant. I mean I know how big and monstrous it can be, and not in an evil or bad way, just that it can take up a lot of space in the consciousness and be occasionally cumbersome. But I think maybe it's a bit overrated. We have all these societal taboos and whatnot that ass-backwardsly draw a ton of attention to exactly what they're intended to cover up. If two people can share each other physically, thats great, that's cool, that's beautiful even, but there's so so much more to it than just fucking. Orgasms are just as long as they need to be and no longer. They're great, and then they're over, and we have time to eat and sleep and share thoughts about stuff and do the stuff we love to do.
Maybe my point is I wish people would lighten up. Be nice. Sometimes you get some, sometimes you don't. Learn to like yourself. Don't act like you deserve better, because no one "deserves" anything. Men and women have subtle differences, its a good thing, it's our fundamental economy, and its cool. I don't have a girlfriend, but I like being around women and talking to them and stuff, and I can do it without being a jerk. Is it so much to ask?
Allright this is allready way longer than it should be. Coffee and snowstorm excitement keeping me wide awake tonight. If a blog entry is this long I usually just skim over it, so I totally forgive you if thats what you just did. Allright I'm done. A good night to all.
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