2005-03-17 - 2:56 a.m.
I've kind of fallen back into my old schedule again. Things tend to even themselves out one way or another. I'm really scared about this summer. I hate any kind of responsibility. Though by succeeding in it avoiding it, I've made myself into a kind of non-person.
We do have responsibilities, I hate to use the word destiny or fate, because that's a tricky thing, but I feel a very deep guilt that I have something I've denied. I feel childish and naive, and there just aren't enough hours in the day to figure this all out. That's why I'm up now I think. That's why I can't sleep. These are the restless quiet hours. There are more out there, maybe sitting awake by an open window, cold air soothing away some of that anxious heat, the low buzz of a flourescent kitchen light, maybe the thin echo of a girls gone wild commercial from the other room. What are we doing? What is it we need? I think if I don't find out soon, I will haunt this place.
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