2005-10-07 - 1:08 a.m.
I had to serve all these older people today, no one came in at all until I went to get my lunch, then one group at a time would come in, just as I had taken care of the last and went down the stairs to get my lunch. This went on, one group at a time, for over an hour, stomach grumbling. I got angry and wanted to hate them, and then each group was more nice than the last, sweet and innocent and babyfaced, and then I hated myself and felt terribly guilty, and also hungry and wanted to bash my head in with a rock. I tried to explain my frustration but people had their own problems and ignored me and I gave up and jammed it all inside and was as nice as could be. It's not the sort of thing I can tell anyone without boring the crap out of them or not making sense, or sounding really bitchy and self centered. It's just some of life's daily grinding torture that I have to swallow. And hopefully process and regurgitate somewhere else in a non-hurtful way. I was so tired, and had my head screwed on sideways from dealing with myself and thinking about my giant plan, I messed up and overcharged two people in a row. They were nice about it, but I only got more mad at myself.
Goal for tomorrow: be more nice to self, I've only got one.
Song for today, from way back in high schoool: Healthy Body Safe Mind -Op Ivy
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