2006-03-31 - 3:53 a.m.
Took a walk today, I should do that more. I feel crappy. I've got stupid mouth sores, making my whole head hurt. I think that when I sleep, I don't breathe right. I see people I went to school with, and they look old to me. I don't look old to me. I'm at a loss for plans, evey plan cut short, not good enough, some flaw. Sometimes, I have to do really dumb things. It might be hard to understand, but I have to do things I know won't work, and see them through to the end. It's like a collection of assurances. Maybe sometimes it's not as bad as I expect. Maybe it's good and people just look at it wrong. I have to find out. Smart things, hell. People do those all the time. I don't feel so smart lately. What little genius I have is not out of any natural brilliance, it's just somewhere no one else bothered to check. I need a longer night tonight. I don't want to sleep. I want to sit here where it's quiet for just a few more hours. It's rough out there, it's heavy. I can only hold up one corner of it at a time. I don't feel up to it, I wish it was someone else's job right now. Someone better at being in charge of a life.
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