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2006-04-22 - 1:25 a.m.

This morning, just before I woke up, I was in a dream where I was taking a shower. It was dark in the room, barely any light. Bits of time kept cutting out, my brain wasn't working right. One moment I was standing outside the shower curtain, and a flash later I was inside, and my limbs started to lose their functionality. Terrified, I turned to try to leave, but could only barely move. Another flash of missing time. I'm pressed against the shower wall completely paralyzed, my face is upturned right under the shower head, water is pouring into my open mouth, I can't even choke, I'm just drowning there.
That's about when I wake up. It was an hour or so before my alarm was to go off, but usually when I have those kinds of dreams, I will doze off again into something similarly unpleasant, so it's not even worth it to get the extra "rest".
Going to bed sometimes I can feel my consciousness leaving, but when it's not quite gone but not quite there I start thinking weird nonsense and I get scared that I'm losing my sanity and wonder if I'll ever get it back. Hell is a place just between sleep and waking. I imagine when I die, it will be a long, painful, nasty ordeal. I see sleep is a metaphor for death, and I often don't handle those transitions well.
Well, that entry went from ugly to morbid really quick. I could stand to have an ice cream or a handjob or something.

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