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2006-04-28 - 11:22 p.m. Progress. This week I was reading a few older entries from 2003. Some of them I still like, some I'm really embarrassed by. They made me think about who I was then though, and who I am now. The changes have been very gradual, but I'm happy to say that I like myself more now than I did then. Back in 2003 I was having some problematic episodes of drinking. I hit my lowest point back then, I lost my mind, verbally assaulted a cab driver and jumped out of the moving cab and charged into a crowd of boston shoppers. I did a lot of other dumb shit too, I woke up with dried blood all through my hair and one of my good friends informed me shortly thereafter that we were no longer going to be friends. I felt pretty fucking low then. Not long after that, I had my first one night stand with a girl I'd had a big crush on in high school. That was more bewildering than anything. I don't think I said too much about either of those incidents until now. Guess its time to bring these things to the surface, and let them float away. I still enjoy adult beverages, but I haven't been on any more true rampages. In fact, I haven't broken anything larger than a street sign in a couple of years. I was in a caustic relationship with my ex-girlfriend back then. We weren't dating, but we weren't really not dating, as we hung out all the time, and drove each other nuts with our weird co-dependant post-relationship. It was gross, and cutting it from my life completely is one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I'm in better shape now too. There's room for improvement yet, but I've lost six inches off my waist since back then, that's three pants sizes, and seven belt holes. (I don't weigh myself) I get more and more compliments from people, more "hey you look good"'s and I like that feeling. My secret? I eliminated soda from my diet, and I play a video game called "Dance Dance Revolution" nearly every day. Go me. I think this is a great physical metaphor for my improvement as a whole. Plenty of room for more improvement, but a visible difference over time. Also I went to Asia this year, I saved my money, got my passport and went, and I'm glad I did. It's something I've wanted for a long time and it feels great. It was fantastic and I'm going again this year. So, as down on myself as I get sometimes in this diary, it's kind of cool to take a step back for once and say "I'm not doing so bad really." I've got problems yes, and some of them are ugly, but I'm in a good place, and I can be even better. And at this rate, I will. So yay. Here's to the awesome me now and the awesomer me in 2009. I'll drink to that. � 1 comments so far� |