2006-05-15 - 12:09 a.m.
Today I got cocky and stared at the moon with my right eye closed. Do your worst.
I am friends with a married couple who recently moved here. One of my friends from high school and her husband. They're both kind of odd in the same way that I am, and I think the fact that they've found one another and are happy together is fantastic, it makes me think anything is possible, and there are times when things go right in this world.
Of course, not everyone gets to experience that. As far as I know, it seems to be a rarity. But in my own life, I wouldn't settle for anything less. They have even told me very explicitly "Don't settle for anyone who doesn't totally appreciate you or isn't totally crazy about you." I think that's among the best advice I've heard, and I'll follow it to the very end of my life if I can, I really believe having no love at all is better than having half-assed love.
Though, I guess in some ways that's all easier said than done. I'm a little shaky on some of the details actually. Seeing love in other people is easy. Finding it in your own life is confusing. It's sneaky. There are all these different social contracts and expectations, and schools of thinking, makeup and ceiling mirrors, illusions and motivations. It's a slippery slope on a foggy day, I'm as lost as anyone can be.
I have this poetic notion love will one day just crack me over the head like an oversized mallet, leave me seeing stars and grinning into oblivion. But in reality I think it might take more work than that. And work is something I still have some issues with.
Sometimes I think I'm too old, I don't have enough practice with women, not in the normal boy-meets-girl way. How do people do that anyway? Is this a lost cause? Should I just try to focus on other things? It doesn't help that all I've been able to think about for the last fifteen years or so is sex.
Well, that's not all I think about. At least once a day I cock my head to one side and wonder where exactly Weird Al Yankovic is, and imagine what he might be doing right at that moment.
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