2003-06-11 - 10:48 a.m.
Here's something thats been bothering me. I've said numerous times I believe there is no truth, and that's still the case. I do however, believe in honesty. Because while the reality behind my perceptions is never certain, those perceptions are all I have, my only window on the world, and every day I have the choice to face up to those perceptions or deny them, weather to myself or to others. Some days I find it most comfortable to draw little smiley faces and dragons and whatnot on the window, and try to ignore what I see, hear, smell, touch, taste. This brings me more or less to my point. I believe we have a responsibility to our perceptions, and a responsibility to our talents. And by talent I mean that thing you know you can do, that thing you know, not because it's absolute, but because you feel it. It's that thing that connects what's inside to what's outside, and even through other peoples perceptions to what's inside them. It's that sphere of light that radiates from you and lights up and energizes the world, it's the realization that you're no longer just passively sucking it all in, that some of what you're seeing and feeling is reflecting back from yourself. That's art, and that's honesty, they are the same. I can feel it, I've had glimpses, but not as often as I'd like. If say, Edward Gorey had stopped writing when he could have continued, it would have been wrong. And would it have been any different if he had never started? no. That's the only true sin as I see it. That's why I feel so guilty. I feel I know my talent fairly well, and I'm not always honest to that talent, I'm not always true to my perceptions, to others and to myself. Hopefully this is something I can resolve to myself. Time is limited, art is infinite, truth is divine and beyond any of us.
Peace.
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