2004-01-07 - 10:47 p.m.
I drove home tonight in an unexpected snow squall after playing some games with an old pal. It strikes me that I feel more okay than I have in a while. I feel the potential to feel great, but I'm not pressing my luck just yet.
I'm thinking about the election a little. You know what? I don't care. I mean, I would hate to see Bush in office another four years, but if my life is worth less in 2008, it's frankly not going to be anybody's fault but my own. Howard Dean can't save me, Dennis Kucinich can't save me, Ralph Nader, Michael Moore, and Scott Thompson combined couldn't save me, (but god what a ticket!) The only one here who is going to make things better for me is me.
Being raised baptist, you're essentially told that you're no good to begin with, you can't make it on your own, but someone has made it all good for you, and you best believe you owe it to him to be grateful. But Jesus never did my homework. No one did. I'm not going to (completely) blame religion for all my failures in life, I'm sure church is a great thing for a lot of people. I just tend to see it as an example of ass-backwards humanity. If you destroy all belief in yourself, how can you achieve anything? It's life in a tidal pool, a stagnant, incomplete picture. In church school, I was the only kid in the fourth grade. For a while there, I was cowering on the floor of the mosh-pit of life, waiting for some bouncer to carry me out.
I never got anything I didn't work for. And I'm ashamed of how little work I've really done. Maybe it's not about the work really. Maybe its about giving enough of a shit about yourself to really want something. If the desire is there, the work comes naturally.
And where, where to go from here? As usual, I don't have a bleeding clue. I've just come up with more questions. But I do have fifty-six bottles of poland spring water. Maybe I'll tell that story tomorrow.
Thing to do: Write someone who deserves a letter.
�
0 comments so far�
