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2005-07-19 - 2:26 a.m.

Lately self gratification has been spiking into the red, while self improvement has some stuff stuck in the gears, grinding and chugging away, burning out that new motor I just bought. I will set some special parameters for tomorrow. I have to clean things up a bit, because I've seen the future, and it doesn't get any easier, not one iota. Striking a balance is not something I do well on a large scale. I like to stack all the weights on one end, to mess up the system. Of course I still use the system. I'm bound to it. I have have some nicely colored railroad tracks, but I'm never out in the meadow shaking my caboose and upsetting all the teacups.

I love moths. I sometimes with I was glow in the dark so I could just stand outside and let them flutter all around me. I could hire myself out to a travelling freak show as "the amazing light bulb boy" and do abortions on the side for extra cash.

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