2005-12-08 - 1:02 a.m.

I'm a cynic, I do finally admit this. But let me clarify something.

I know people in long term relationships who are happy and okay. It's not the majority, but I see it, and that's cool.

I'm not opposed to the idea of being with someone. However, I won't accept anything that's less than real love, I would rather be alone.

I'm not unhappy alone, and I do want to be in love, both statements are true, though I border dangerously on self contradiction here. Did I say earlier I was trying to make this clearer?

Okay, three elements in this equation:

There is the healthy relationship, the ideal. That's awesome.

There is the relationship with myself, the constant reality. I like myself, and I'm good with this.

There is the ugly, unhealthy relationship, the way things have turned out in the past. That's not okay, and I'm done with that kind of thing I hope forever.

If it's real and it's out there, I'd love to find it. But I'm not going to sit around and hold my breath, and I'm not going to waste my time with things that are less than love. I have too many great relationships with my friends who deserve that time. A real love would have to be one of my friends as well. How that works I don't know. But no, I don't hate women, and I don't actively wish to be alone forever.

I hope that makes sense.

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