2006-07-27 - 6:12 p.m.

The other night I dreamt I was waiting tables, and a lady asked for an extra lemon for her tea. I pulled out the umbrella from her table and brained her with it. Then all the other customers started asking me for things, I snapped their necks, ripped their limbs off and flung them into the river. I killed every customer in the restaurant, it was a bloody mess. Then I fucked the waitresses. It was the best dream I've had in a long time.

I think civilization is just a giant pretense. All those things that make us gasp and act like we don't understand, we really understand perfectly. That's our humanity shining through. War, injustice, selfishness perversion and lust. That's us. And somehow, we want to put all these clothes on and pretend they're real skin, that these feelings are abberant, unhealthy.

A society that doesn't understand it's own need to destroy just as much as its need to create is a place where no one ever feels like they really belong.

Yesterday morning at work, not an hour after I'd woken from my dream of slaughter, the first customer I served was an obnoxious high maintenance southern wench who wanted an extra lemon for her tea. Her head is still fully intact. In fact, I gave her every stupid little thing she asked for with a smile.

What is it that holds this world together? I guess friendship and love. That's all I can think of that's worth a damn. There was one point in the day when I felt this weird love for the whole world, and then immediately an awful guilt.

Fucken' A, I don't get it.

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